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[personal profile] alynna
Looking back it surprises me how much living in Sacramento drained me and how much different it seems here...

Maybe its because its much easier to be open about being otherkin where I live now. There seriously is a great gulf between therians and furries, and I can honestly say that I understand why therians are so.. defensive about it. Most furries won't give a second thought to the spirituality behind our beliefs, its just as easy to say 'yer crazy'.. i've encountered this alot.

Though I have a seperate set of objections in my self-assessment in being part faerie.. this coming from therianthrope communities I wanted to be part of, and even some LJ communities as well.

What am I? The simple answer is 'spirit fox', which could be construed to mean 'kitsune' (I have multiple tails) or it could also mean faerie fox (I have faerie wings). I believe it to be a mix of faerie and kitsune, and its taken a decade of research and meditation to come up with this self-assessment. To be quite blunt, I didn't even know if I was a kitsune at first. When I started getting a firm idea on what I am (we're talking around a decade ago now) I thought I was just a fox with multiple tails... kitsune wasn't a word for me.. i didn't know what one was. I always just said 5 tailed pixie fox ... that's what I felt and saw. Someone in the furry fandom introduced me to the concept of kitsune and it took about a year and a half for me to figure out I am one ...

Anyways... getting off the main point here..

I feel conflicted because it seems like I can't be accepted by therians because of the 'faerie part'... i can't be accepted by many furries entirely because this is a spiritual belief for me and not a 'woo wee i like this' thing.. To be honest the furry fandom is only ancillary interest to me, because i'm a fox and theres alot of fun for foxes in the furry fandom (did I use the letter f too often back there?) but i'm like a furry '4th' in the list of things in the things i'd say I am, Otherkin, Therian, Kitsune, and then Furry.

I know what the easy answer is. I could just say I am a fox around therians, i could deny being a faerie, or even a kitsune if I had to go that far. I could make up a whole new identity that noone knew about that only expresses the fox therian aspects of myself, But the fact is, I don't want to do this. I am what I am. And if it was just about the community i'd just say 'fuck this' and screw the entire lot. But the fact is theres alot of therian things I can relate to that i'd actually like to talk to therians about. My own experience with therianthropy seems to correspond with peoples descriptions of it.

I do have experiences of phantom tails, phantom ears, phantom fur even. Also I feel the wings back there, and i can't just eliminate them to fit in.. They are there and they are part of me. At the same time I also feel very foxish instincts at time, anywhere from the need to dig a den to chasing birds to.. you know what I dont actually want to discuss half of it. Maybe I could with some therians if I could ever become part of a therian community without being rejected for having butterfly wings..

I don't want to compromise what I am. At the same time I DO want to be part of these communities, if only to be able to talk about therianthropy with people who can relate to it...

In any case, the original purpose of this post was going to be about my.. interest.. in doing something.. i dont know what but i have ideas... i have the ideas to write, or maybe talk.. maybe write a book about being otherkin, or start a webcast.. or something.. i just don't know ..

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-18 07:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I so understand where you are coming from honey, and I also relate totally to feeling out of sorts with the other groups.... but know this. I love you now and always, no matter what.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-25 12:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You should know enough about me by know to know I probably don't come under the classification of either Furry or Therian, being that my true form is neither animal nor a totemic identification. I AM a succubus, so much as I like furries, and hanging out with them, I'm too "human" for some.

I have the phantom limbs, right down to days my body feels so oddly out of balance for the lack of them in this form, but again, I am not "animalistic" enough to be a therian.

It just goes to show that xenophobia and cliqueishness are innate nature to the closed mind.

I tried being "purely furry", way back on, but China Blue was always a mask for Valkyrie Ice. I finally realized I couldn't pretend to be who I wasn't online anymore than I could hide who I am from those who get to know me. I have enough problems living a lie in reality to try and pretend online.

Spirituality aside, our instincts alone set us apart from those around us. Too many furries are simply fans for whom furry is simply a choice, or fetishists acting out their fetish, and unfortunately, it's always the weirdest ones who get all the press. These kind of people don't really understand BEING something other than human or having an innate nature that sets you apart from those around you.

The same goes for many therians, too many of which have overdosed on whitewolf role playing games. Like any subculture, they seek to set themselves apart by rigorous adherence to strict "definitions" of thier subculture, much as the "goth" and "punk" crowds set themselves apart from "vampire wannabes"

There is no one true way. All we can ever be is true to ourselves and who we really are, kitsune, succubus, angel, fairy, whatever. In the end, we all have to find our own path to ourselves.

December 2009

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